Dynamic of Family

Holidays aren't always the easiest of days for divorced families. I remember my own experiences as a teenager, never quite comfortable with one parent or the other getting the short end of the stick with regard to who sat around the proverbial table of thanks. To this ends, I've swallowed my pride and often--discomfort and dined with my "ex" each year since my divorce ,reasoning that my happiness and holiday has less to do with my comfort than my daughter's. As I still remember what it is to be a kid, and to want your holidays the way you remembered them, I have forgone my doubts and better judgement and dined as a "family".

Only children are always striving. Having come from a larger family I see the difference daily. Striving to please, to achieve, to have their opinions matter, to prove their independence. Mostly though, only children of divorced parents are always striving to straddle the precarious tight-rope of loyalty, love, and confidence. These are worries no child should have to worry about, though through the evolution of post-divorce dynamics, they do. To this end, whether it may be faking it or not, I try mightily to set aside my fundamental differences of opinion and parenting and come together for the betterment of the child--our child, Sophia. Still, despite all the pain, and all the grief of divorce, I gtry to use my childhood memories to my daughter's advantage by recognizing without asking-her fears, worries and needs. Like I told Sophia, despite her parents' divorce--we are still thankful for eachother, for it is because of one another that we have her.

And though I'll never really know her true impressions until someday in our future when we're enjoying each other's company at a bistro somewhere on a plaza in Spain or London enjoying a wine, some memories, and a laugh; I hope and I think, that this approach makes a difference. We all know when family members are tense, equally so, we know when we're at ease--laughing at quirks, and mannerisms that only "we" get. This was the case on Thanksgiving this year. Sophia playing her guitar, I and her mother enjoying a wine and preparing hor'dourves together. This unity does more for her parents then it does for her; though the effects on her are what make it all worth it. Again this year, Sophia designed her pumpkin floral center piece for the Thanksgiving table and it was real sweet. You kind of get the feeling you're creating her traditions down the road. So it was for the most part a very small, private, and reminiscent Thanksgiving/birthday. Though oddly enough, this is exactly what Sophia will be remember.

This effect was further highlighted in an unprecedented manner when Sophia's choir opened their 2007-08 season with their first show downtown at City Place in West Palm Beach. The Young Singers of the Palm Beaches presented an array of Christmas classics combined with more obscure numbers--some in French. It was a packed show, culminating in the lighting of the 50 foot Christmas tree. Again, Sophia was able to see each of her parents united before her, thus making her anxiety free. She looked ever more like the burgeoning young lady as opposed to my "little girl", something that is of itself a bittersweet fact.

So, maybe some of it was faked, maybe some of it was uncomfortable, still the days were real, and will be remembered as enjoyable to her--because for me, that's what this is ALL about--I had great childhood holiday memories and so should she. I like to think she did. Now it's on to Christmas and New Years, somewhat of a an emotional mine-field, though like everything else we'll get it through this too.

Thanks for Giving

So, let's review.


Sophie responds to a local entertainment writer's call for any girls who are "Banana's over Hannah Montana" to write her and tell her why, the most interesting will be selected for an article. Pretty cool, and I figured why not, knowing full well that there would be at least a 1,000 letters written. Short story---she's selected, incredible.

Now during this process, Sophie's also been busy in her room, fiddling with her bass, studiously penning lyrics to her next (and first) break out CD. I think it might've stemmed from a little conversation about her practicing more when I made a comment that she should pick up the guitar whenever she has free time and just fiddle wth it. I was relating memories of her uncle Scott as a boy when he would carry that guitar all around the house, and how he probably taught himself more than any lesson because of this.

Not one to miss a "lesson" Sophia became more earnest in her practice. Of course her writings were being held back somewhat out of shyness to present them publicly. She finally did to her mother one night, and then to me over the phone. The playing of the bass while singing ala Sting, was impressive; but to me it was her lyrics that really impressed me. So when she played it for me live I knew I would need to capture this moment for posterity, and capture I did when I took her to the Lounge Recording Studio. This had a double intened effect: encourage her to see that her efforts would result in good things, and to preserve this innocence for her parents--and for herself one day when she is an adult.

Things soon took off after this---MySpace, an article and photos in The Sunday Palm Beach Post, and of course an online video contest. It's easy to see how a kid can become an overnight internet celebrity, as she was getting quite a bit of attention for efforts. Most adults were surprsed by her sensitive lyrics, and most all of her friends saw her as a rock star. She was just Sophia to me,; I told her that this is all nice, but what's really important to me is who she is--as a person, student and daughter. She seemed to understand, never really getting too full of herself.

Now the internet contest, well she clearly--and I say with all due respect to any one else's child, whom I understand probably feel the same as me, but she clearly was the only one who could sing. The response spread quickly, as my friends, her mami's friends, and indeed her schoolmates and the general public responded in kind by voting for her en masse. She was after 4 days collection 2/3 of all votes. At this point we suspected that the "prize" was two tickets to the incredibly impossible-to-get-tickets-to-show. That was dispelled when the writer wrote me and tol me the "prize" in fact was the article and internet exposure--fair enough I thought, that is a prize. Still, she was crushed. she wanted ever so badly to see the Jonas Brothers and Hannah/Miley.

No dice. Sold out. Craig's list? Got three responses, the cheapest being $600 a seat. I told the fellow, that I would'nt spend $1200.oo to see Jesus himself perform, and that he ought to be ashamed, of course greed knows n o shame--but I had to tell him. Sophia was crushed, and as a parent who remembers what it's like to be a kid and wanting to do what is the hottest, and coolest thing in your world right now--I understood. So I did what all parents would do. I told her "next time", and that she had a great two weeks, and how it isn't "the end of the world", all the while having flashbacks of hearing the same things as a kid.

I also did what you have to--I kept my ears and eyes at the ready, placed a plea on Craigslist and waited. I didn't tell her. Meanwhile over at the internet voting things had turned a bit sour there too---her closest competitor proved once and for all that the contest was more about how much your parent was willing to solicit votes than talent. The child who was not even a factor for days was now inextricably winning--she also had a mother who was a bit of a "stage mom" the day we went the Post for the interview--so it all made sense. Still, the many worlwide votes that poured infor Sophia commented that though they voted for her out of loyality and love, she was in fact the only one who could really sing. So she and I knew the real score and acknowledged the moral victory.

Now here's where the story develops a real plot twist, and if you're still reading this, you'll really be warmed by the turn of events. I had logged on at work to check the crazy accumulation of votes for Sophia's closest competitor, further convinced of what unhealthy parenting is, when I happened onto a message board of the web site. And posted just a minute before logging in is this post:

I have two extra tickets for tonight. Now they may be not next to each other (depends on where my son wants to sit) but if someone is interested, let me know. Posted by: colin cornish at November 20, 2007 11:04 AM

Incredulous, I respond that I'm interested and give my phone number, of course wary of internet scammers as well. And the name, well let's just say it didn't look Floridian. Sure enough my cell phone rings 90 seconds later, and I commence to explain that I have a 9 year-old broken hearted daughter. He says enough about all that (in a cockney London accent), and goes on to explain that he has two tickets--both great seats, but apart. One on the floor in the 6th row center, and the other on the side about 25 rows up--but close to the stage-end of the stadium. Suspicious---I ask how much?

Here's where if you're lucky in life--and I like to think I am, good things happen to you, and a sort of Karmic justice occurs. Colin explained he was disgusted by the scalping, and selling of tickest in the hundreds if not thousands of dollars, and that he didn't want to profit in anyway. So I said great--I'll take them, knowing face value of $66.00 dollars was still a deal---he said "no mate, if you want them--no charge, I want to make a little kid happy"....gulp. British guy say what? That's right, try as I may to extend even the most basic gratitude, he refused...he wanted to just feel good about doing something for a child who wanted to see the show. Humbled, we made a deal--he all the while assuring me he wasn't a scammer, and that I had both his cell phone and office number.

With this a deal was set into motion. We would meet in Fort Lauderdale on the steps of the arena. I first had to collect my sad superstar from school---and reverse her mood from one of abject despair to elation--and it did. We gassed the car and got on the way Sophia telling me she couldn't believe it (nor could I). We were met by Colin and his 2 kids, and sure enough we were given 2 tickets. True to his word, he accepted not a cent. He told me to "pay it forward" exactly what I had been thinking since I had found out at 1Pm the day of the show that Sophie and me were now going. So we get to the show, scope out the uber security and I briefed my rocker how "the plan" was gonna go down. I explained that there was a chance I might be compromised and that she was to sit tight until I returned and enjoy the show-- she said she understood. We did a pre-show run-through and went down to the seat on the floor an hour before the show, our luck had us on the aisle--key for me to make the plan work.

We retired to the concessions, went over the plan again and had a snack. By this time Sophie has her game face on, not to mention her "designer priced tour t-shirt". Time ebbed until 10 minutes prior to the start when we moved into position and waited until the last second. When security looked less stiff we made our way to the floor, I handed one ticket, the guy asked if I knew where it was I said yes, took the ticket in one hand, and my rockstar's hand in my other hand and turned to walk. This is where we hit a snag..the gatekeeper said I only showed him one ticket--he was right. I chose the honest tact and explained we had two different sections, so I was going to escort my daughter to her seat and then go to mine---he said "oh sure" and off we went--- excitement was at a high point, parents and kids were arriving in droves. With that the lights blinked signaling the show was to start soon. Things looked copasectic, so I hung out. In an instant, the lights went out and stage lights went up and the Jonas Brothers arrived on stage showered in pyrotechnics, I was in!!

Long story short, we rocked for the next two and a half hours, Hannah 20 feet from us. An unbelieveable show, great accoustics, vibes etc. To see your child that estatic and happy is an incredible sight. Sophia did not stop dancing for almost 3 hours. We were never once questioned or hassled, and thoroughly enjoyed the show next to people who had paid in some cases, thousands of dollars. I was especially happy that Sophia's show was courtesy of something the world needs more of--kindness. My ticket seller summed it best when he told me he would feel so much better making a little girl's dream night come true than he ever would have by receiving $1200. As incredibly lucky as this was it certainly sent a far more powerful lesson than the one the many parent's who spent thousands of dollars did to their kids.

Happy Thanksgiving.

In Harmony

VOTE FOR SOPHIA To WIN PALM BEACh HANNA MONTANNA CONTEST: view video


Every once in a while you have the type of day that reminds you how blessed you are to have a child. Of course I’m always grateful, but occasionally like all things in life, parenthood tends to involve all the logistics and intricacies of many other responsibilities. I guess that’s why it’s so important to break out of routines and experience new things, placing you on an almost equal footing with the child. PinF had that type of experience recently, and I’m quite sure it will rank as a memorable day for the both of us. I’m speaking of course of my indomitable little power house of pop----Sophia. With her music steadily improving, I decided to let her record her three songs at a local studio after hearing her play the songs. Of course all parents "hear" music in their child’s efforts on any instrument, and I'm no less subjective than any other proud parent. The difference for me was not so much her musical ability as it was her writing ability. Sophie had composed three songs of substance, each with metaphors, similes, and irony. I of course was a bit skeptical—not to mention stunned at her ability. I went so far as to flat out ask her where the lyrics came from—despite knowing what a smart girl she is, and excellent writer as well. Still, I had to ask.

Once I was sure of the originality of her lyrics, I knew also that what she was composing musically and lyrically---all alone mind you, was something very special and had to be captured. And so without telling her I inquired of a friend at work whose cousin is a sound engineer at a local recording studio. Once given a green light on an hour of studio time, I then asked Sophie whether she was interested—true to her personality she confidently replied she was. So it was done, we would go to the studio on Sunday afternoon and "lay down" three tracks she had written, composed on her bass guitar and sings. Nervous, yet undaunted we drove down to the studio, on the way she was definitely starting to become more nervous and decided she wanted to discuss her studio time with a veteran and tried reaching her uncle Scott---to no avail. She forged on anyway, and once in the studio was put at ease by the Puerto Rican engineer, who was putty after her heard her sing her lyrics in Spanish.

The rest? Well as they say its history, with the help of my good friend Sergio, he set up an artist’s MySpace for Sophie, and downloaded the recording and video of the session. I was, as you could imagine, the proud father just watching my quickly growing "little" girl, evolving into a confident person. As I said, what really struck me were her lyrics. Even the soundman, he a veteran of international musical experience, who worked in Nashville for 10 years, told me that what she had written was quite special considering her age. They are incredibly advanced lyrics for a child of nine, as is her confidence in her abilities. If I do nothing else in this life, I am determined to raise a girl who matures into a confident, capable woman of substance and depth, with many facets to her personality and character-- after witnessing what I did this past week-end I’m quite confident she’s on her way. The innocence of her youth occasionally lifts its veil to reveal the young lady of tomorrow; this is what happened on Sunday. I looked at Sophia in a different light---of course as a proud father, but also as man who can see what / who she is becoming.

Suddenly she wasn’t my "little" girl, but rather a smart, confident, and nice young lady who knew who she was, where she was going, and what she wants out of life. This to me (as a father) in of it self, is both revelatory and scary all at once since as a parent—you want to slowly savor each day of the discovery and wisdom gathering process of your child (or so you should). Though like sand through your fingers, you just can’t enjoy each and every grain of the many experiences of a child’s life. So you grab hold of the more prominent and special times, and you try, to really remember the swell of pride and that feeling deep down inside of intense emotion. Knowing full well, that the real gems in life are like photos taken when she isn’t looking—they’re the little less-pronounced moments, the glance, or maybe the connection without words—we had all of these. All the time knowing as well that just as light refracts in many directions and colors through a prism, she is seeing and experiencing this "moment" in a completely different light. Yes, you’re both here, but something tells you you’re in different places of the moment. The real fun will come one day when she can relate the moment and its impression upon her little psyche when she is an adult, though once again, I’m in no hurry to get there.

Still, the best part of the day was in watching her realize that what she had accomplished was created completely by her own little mind, hands, and voice; and that this was a lesson that only she could’ve taught herself.

You're My Sunshine

Wow. Sophia is starting a new career. Better check this out.

Best of Both Worlds

You never know what you have until you see what’s out there.

Well, you kind of do, at least in my case I do. I knew I had a confident and talented little girl, but even more importantly a nice little girl and once again it showed in her demeanor and manners. About a week ago Sophie answered a call by a local columnist in the paper to write and tell her why “You’re bananas for Hannah”, as in Hannah Montana aka Miley Cyrus, daughter of one Billy Ray Cyrus who is of course the mulleted wonder of the early eighties whose claim was to the Achy Breaky Heart fame.

Now if you haven’t any kids, especially girls in the “tween” category, you may in fact not know about this pop singing/acting sensation. Then again, you might also have heard about her concerts being the hottest selling ticket in the United States due to the fact that some scalpers are offering her tickets for up to $3000. Spoil my daughter as I may—even this is too rich for PinF’s blood. Still the exorbitant prices have done little to discourage the mania surrounding this “tween” pop diva’s pending visit to South Florida. So it was that I alerted Sophia to the article in last weeks’ Palm Beach Post encouraging kids to write to a features columnist why you are “Bananas over Hannah”. If your letter was compelling or interesting enough they would ask you to come in for a photo shoot and interview for a future article.

Guess who got the nod? That’s right the mini Hemingway herself, her letter was cute, concise, and most of all, compellingly honest. Sophia has exhibited great writing skills since an early age, and clearly excels in all areas of reading and writing, especially creatively. So it was that my “suggestion” sort of took on much larger proportions as I prepared to take her to the offices of the Palm Beach Post yesterday as one of five children give the “golden ticket”. Excitement wouldn’t quite describe the anticipation of the day. First, a photo shoot of “before”, and then “after”, dressed as Hannah with a blonde wig, and then onto an interview for the article scheduled to run next week—what kid wouldn’t be excited? Still, like all things, I try to temper the moment for the inherent pitfalls and disappointments that may exist, rather than see a full blown crash and burn. Incredibly she seemed very grounded and matter-of-fact about the whole thing, nervous yes, but under control.

I explained that there would be other kids there too, “I know papi”, and that she should just be herself, “papi, I know”, and that it’s ok to be nervous, “I know papi” I think I might have been more nervous by now. As it was the columnist explained that the response was so overwhelming her employer had to stop her email for several days as her inbox was overwhelmed by hundreds if not thousands of emails. Of this number, 5 kids were chosen and upon learning this, the kids seemed to sense the stakes were higher. Not sure what to expect when we arrived they each were asked if they would be willing to sing while being videotaped—this footage would run simultaneously on their website so that the readers may vote on the most convincing “Hannah”. Sophia did great, due in large part to all she’s done musically leading up to this moment.

I was having a “Willy Wonka” kind of feeling as I watched the other parents, and their nervous children learn about having to sing too. I was the only father for starters and it seemed to me that several of the moms have seemed almost cajoling their kids into the whole experience, almost like stage parents do. Sophia on the other hand was given an “out” right up to the last moment; never once telling her she “had” to do anything. I further explained that in my mind, she had already “won” as far as I was concerned. She got to be treated like a celebrity, toured a newspaper, had photo shoots, met the reporter, been interviewed, etc. So whatever happens -- happens. Sophia, true to her easy spirit agreed, and never once seemed too nervous or anxious, she just rolled with it. I think it showed that we were a little less anxious too. I offered to leave the room so she wouldn’t be too self conscious during the filming of the singing portion. Knowing full well it might be easier for her if I wasn’t watching; I was peeking from behind the curtain, and could still hear her. I suspect the winner is going to get two passes to the sold out H.M. show, though it was not said. Her voice kind of surprised the production assistants, and truth be told-- me too. I know she had long been singing this album in her room, and had been taking voice lessons with her Young Singers Choir, but she really, really impressed me. I was too proud. The photographer, reporter, and videographer were blown away and they said as much. Of course this will all be online sometime next week, and the article runs Sunday November 18 in the paper.

So once the reporter heard her sing, questions arose and Sophia let it out. She told them she really does play guitar and sings too. Having taken lessons for a year now, her guitar skills have steadily increased. This year her school band told her the only guitar in the band is the bass guitar--- undeterred Sophia now plays that too, and has since gotten one. To the reporter’s delight she let slip that she’s also written 3 songs that she sings while playing her bass, and that we just so happen to be going to the studio this weekend to record them. So there it was. She was an honest to goodness musician, and not just a fan. Every kid has their moment, and this clearly was hers, as the three women were so impressed, not only with her talent and voice, but even more so by her poise and manners. With regard to her music, she has exhibited a level of songwriting and composing not usually seen in a nine year old. Sophia’s lyrics are really quite amazing, so it was that I spoke to a friend whose cousin is a sound engineer about recording her music. And that’s where we go from here, to the studio. I’m going to try and have it videotaped when she’s in the studio and then post a You Tube of the session.

We had quite a day, and for me it wasn’t really about winning anything, it was more of an affirmation to her what her writing had sparked, and all the hours of guitar and voice lessons represented. Sure, who doesn’t want to be treated like a star, or even win tickets to the hottest concert in town, as for me the winning was in watching a little person bloom through her God given abilities and talents.

Autumn (finally)

Well it was fittingly ironic that my daughter Sophia was my 25,000 visitor. Of all the worldwide locations and friends that visit PinF who’d of thought that it could have come from Florida--- and from the most important person in my life to boot? There’s a certain type of symmetric truth to this since so many of these posts have been either been about, or included, Sophia. And so the beat goes on…….

PinF recently set out on a cycle journey. This past weekend Florida finally experienced our long awaited “Autumn”. Temperatures in the low 80’s by day with 50% humidity, and a comfortable 60 degrees by night had PinF loading up the “T” Strom for a trek north to the QuickSilver surfing regional semi-finals at Sebastian Inlet State Park. There’s an incredibly free and easy feeling about racing through the farmlands of Florida on a crisp Saturday morning, the sky a cobalt blue, music playing in my helmet. Along for the ride was my buddy of over 30 years, John Breeding-- he on his Harley Sportster. We reached Sebastian at about 9:30, just as the temperature began to hover in the 70’s, warm for most readers of PinF, but unseasonably chilly for us here in Florida.

The waves, much to the thanks of Tropical Storm Noel,were barreling, providing some good pipelines for the competition, not to mention robust size of 12-14ft. John and I were treated to some extreme surfing competition in sunny conditions making for an overall great day for a ride. We eventually made our way out of the Park and into one of PinF’s favorite National Wildlife Preserves; Orchid Island preserve and Jungle Trail. This is a must see for anyone when visiting the Vero beach/Sebastian Inlet area of Florida. I had been to the park before, my friend John however had not. The Jungle Trail really doesn’t lend itself to a Harley Davidson Sportster model, and is definitely more suited to a dual sport bike such as PinF’s V-Strom. Neverthless, Breeding isn’t one to shy away from a little mud and water, and so he trudged right on through the deep puddles, sand, mud and crushed-coral paths that encompass the 7 mile long trail through the jungle.

This is almost surreal landscape. Carved from nature, and preserved by Theodore Roosevelt 104 years ago (the first national wildlife preserve), this park is teeming with hawks, bobcats, turtles, foxes, manatees, dozens of species of both migrating, and in most cases-- rare birds and fish. You hear nothing except the occasional splash of a pelican diving for a fish, or the screeching of a hawk. Just a pristine area of nature doing what nature does best. Afterwards Johnny and I began the 7 mile trek through the jungle under often precarious and downright slippery conditions on account of the passing of the tropical storm two days before. The trusty VStrom forded the mud and ankle deep puddles without missing a beat, Johnny on the other hand had to be deliberate and methodical about where he would cross a puddle and how fast. A Harley Sportster just doesn’t have the clearance or rubber for this type of ride, still he made do.