LETTING GO

Holding is on is what we're accustomed to and almost always programmed to do in life.  Letting go of the things and people we hold is dear is never easy.  Holding a dying parent's hand, saying good-bye to a dear friend, or maybe acknowledging the end of true love and what we thought were forever feelings.  This is something none of us ever really become good at.  And for good reason. That which we truly hold dear and treasure is almost always fleeting and short lived.  In reality, our time with each other really isn't all that long. Just ask any couple who've dropped their youngest child at university, or perhaps buried their life long mate, or parent.

I realized this so achingly clear yesterday morning as my wife and I had to hand our 13 month-old daughter Natalie over to the surgical nurse and "let go".  Natalie had to have surgery for a bladder/kidney condition that is only too real to my own past, and yet something I've had the misfortune of having to watch as two of my three daughters have had to experience as well.  Without doubt placing your infant in the arms of a stranger despite knowing that she will ultimately be better for it, is the single hardest act of trust a parent can bestow.

Natalie came through her surgery and continues to heal.  Her mother and I are healing as well.  The ding to the heart that you take as you walk away from a child whose bewildered look and whimpering cry begs not to be left behind is a tough thing to take.  When you know you're doing the right thing it makes it a little easier, still the parent in you wants to not "let go" and just hold that child.  But we know we cannot, and should not. Children will grow, they will leave, maybe even make bad decisions and eventually even fail.  But let go we must. For it is natural, it is normal, and it is the right thing to do.  Learning this is what's even harder.  We all know people who for whatever reasons who have not, will not, or can not learn to just let go.

In essence, it is our inability to let go that inevitably hurts us more than actually doing so because the balance of nature becomes divided, and we place pressures and unhealthy examples on our children's lives.  We let go yesterday, and it was damn hard.  But so was letting go of my dying father, or a failed marriage.  It is not by what we lose that makes us weak, rather it is what we fail to gain by not letting go that in the end makes us weaker. 

We let go, and now Natalie is both stronger an soon to be healthier.