Studying, Spelling, and Singing

PinF grew up in a large family. He had four brothers and two obviously busy parents. And while mine was a happy childhood, it was in many ways like many other peoples’, fraught with change, loss, and a sense of mayhem, much like you’d expect in a family with five boys. One of the greatest advantages of having an only child is the ability to devote extra time with your child as well as the unique relationship that is formed by virtue of having a one-on-one relationship. While I would have in many ways preferred having a large family myself, I especially enjoy only having one child too. For starters, we each understand each other’s temperaments, likes, dislikes, and quirks. We also enjoy an ease of communication that is often non-existent or infrequent when there are more than one child in the equation.

Communication between Sophie and me is easy, open, and frank. She understands that while I am her father, I am completely approachable, fair, and understanding of her hopes, fears, and needs. Figuring I have just one child, that’s the way I want it, so that as she grows up she and I will continue to have not just a father-daughter relationship, but a friendship as well. This relationship only continues to get better as she gets older especially since she is so poised for her age and expressive of her thoughts. We have routines, and I think she enjoys them almost in a ritual sense, whether it is church on Sunday, or Boogie Boarding on Saturdays, she knows what she gets with me, she knows also that I am her go-to-guy. I’ve tried to be very conscious of never making promises I cannot keep, especially since she is my only child.

Some might call this relationship spoiling, others have called it special. Whether it be exploring the Florida Keys, or attending a concert, we each enjoy the other’s company completely. Much of my enjoyment comes from seeing Sophie set goals, not so much for my sake, but for hers, again something not often found in a little girl who just turned 9. I would guess that this too is a result of the confidence she gains from being an only child. I have so many friends who have neither the time nor interest in investing the "extra" time in their children, either due to career or other family commitments, or sometimes it come down to plain old disinterest.

In return I demand very little. Manners, proper behavior, and doing what I expect of her are it. Luckily for me, the constant reminding of these few rules has both through repetition and expectation, created a polite, nice, and for the most part responsible child. She always does her homework immediately upon arriving from school, again a routine. So it is as we start yet another year on her journey through the school years. The routines are the same, the excitement is the same, and the expectations of behavior and performance are the same. What isn’t the same is the little girl. She has left a certain stage of "littleness", and has shed some of the self-doubt that is found in the first few years.

In its place is a new confidence and maturity that somehow just seems to arrive like a new tooth. Sophie sat at the kitchen table yesterday and explained to me her approach for getting "...all A’s…" this year. She then told me she aims to make the safety patrol in fifth grade and how the selection process begins now for fourth graders starting with class behavior, as all fourth grade teachers nominate the students that demonstrate the traits they seek. So it’s now. She’s out to win the orange belt, and with it, the coveted fifth grade field trip to Washington D.C. This of course is quite a big deal to children in southern Florida since D.C. is a thousand miles away both literally and figuratively in the minds of children.

Her other goal? Win the Spelling Bee. Sophie still hasn’t forgiven herself for misspelling such an "easy" word last year, and she’s aiming to bounce back. My response is typical of most parents, just do your best, ask questions if you don’t understand and behave like I expect her to. All A’s is nice, but let’s not get too obsessed with this, the three A’s and two B’s were good too. Still, the wonder to me as a father is her desire to set and attain such goals at such an age. Maybe, though I doubt, I once set such lofty goals as a nine year-old myself. Either way it’s a real joy to have a child who is so focused on her own hopes and dreams. This weekend Sophie gets to do what she’s wanted to do forever---sing. Her first rehearsal with her new choir is this Sunday and she couldn’t be more excited.

These are hectic days in way as I must schedule pick-ups, custody days, shuttling to practices and rehearsals and all the other activities little girls engage in such as sleepovers and parties. Still, I am completely cognizant and appreciative of these years, as I know well how fast they are going as well as the importance we will each assign to them someday down the road. Because of this I try as hard as I can to live in the moment and enjoy the simple, mundane pleasures of day to day fathering.

Luckily for me I am blessed with a little girl that makes it easy to be a good father.