How many of us are guilty of missing the signs our lives place before us, or perhaps taking for granted what we cherish and covet the most? PinF knows too well how often he makes this mistake, though he makes equal attempts at staving off life's complacencies; trying instead to be in the present, full of thanks. Easier said than done no doubt. Still, as we turn our sights to a new a new Spring season like the earth turns its tilt towards the warmth of the sun, it's important if not necessary that we occasionally stop from our busy, worrying ways and days and really count our blessings. Cliche for sure--but ever so true, as we are but on this earth for a short, short time.
PinF's blessings have been many and often as of late. After a particularily hard "winter" in my life where I saw the end of my first marriage, the death of a parent, and the inevitable fall out these changes would have on my most cherished daughter Sophia, I was able to rebound and blossom my life anew. I met the woman that would be my new mate, saw my daughter emerge from the darkness and into the light of hope after these changes. And blessings of blessings my new wife Julia, and my beautiful daughter Sophia and indeed PinF would come to be blessed with a new baby daughter/sister, reaffirming yet again that life does indeed go on, and often in ways and directions we could never really see or anticipate from our once "low" vantage points.
And there it is my (PinF's) life in a 12 month nutshell. Soon after the arrival of our daughter Alice, we would as a family face another reality: life is precious and fragile. Alice was taken deathly ill and admitted to hospital at 6 weeks old. Her diagnosis would again come full circle to my own life after it was confirmed that her affliction was a genetic gift from me her father. PinF lost a kidney as a result of this condition as a child and spent a fair amount of time in hospital recovering from the subsequent surgeries that would eventually set me on the path of health and normalcy. Of course Alice's condition was compounded by her tender age of just shy of 50 days. Still my wife Julia and I were assured that despite the dire diagnosis that there was a surgical fix and that Alice would have it once she turned a year old. It's been 8 months now and Alice continues to amaze and thrive---she has a sister that is both paient and loving, as well as two doting parents.
So life is good. Life is full. Life is indeed worth living having been married, had a new baby, and bought a new house all within a year. Of course the cosmos always has a way of yanking you back into your life's true course, and PinF is no exception to this rule. Last Sunday whilst up on the ladder painting the new house spring was looking really nice all around my neighborhood. My wife and daughters were out shopping and I was enjoying the last vestiges of a lovely spring night. The "signs" were all around me--flowers blooming, birds chirping, bees buzzing. This all came to an abrupt and scary stop when I realized the low and dull pain I'd been feeling all day in my side was not that of a 48year-old muscle pull, but rather the beginning of a kidney stone blocking my renal function. And just like that I was swept from the ladder and into the emergency room full of dread and uncertainity for myself, my wife and my two daughters. I was scared, not so much for myself, but more for my girls. I didn't wan't them to see me in pain or weakness knowing full well this would cause them alarm.
As I sat in the emergency room, not sure how severe this would be, I began to really castigate myself for not being more cognizant, more thankful, and more appreciative of the "moments" of my life. Surely it wasn't over in a sense of the word, but it was definitely a sign. This was a sign of many things--middle age, the loss of my daughter's Sophia's innocence, my wife Julia's worrying over "what if's" that we all naturally consider in times such as these. I'm home now and probably more thankful and humble than ever. I saw fear in my daughter's face and in her writing as well on the get well card. I saw my wife just stop her life and her job and rush to be near my side until she was convinced I'd be OK. I heard the voices of my brother's and mother as they relived a sort of fear of my past illnesses as a child, not to mention my father's kidney related decline in the fiinal years of his own life. These were all signs---of how loved, cared for, and vital I am to others as they are equally unto me.
It's been over a week of tender frailities and humbling pain, but I am now regaining the physical strength I took for granted just a week before. I am also through my good nature and sense of humour, reassuring those around me that I really will be OK. But I'd be lying if I said I'm not looking at my wife and daughters differently, or thinking about the time we all have together and how best to serve the time, as we serve eachother. I'm trying to "read" the many signs of this Spring in my life--counting my blessings and enjoying my days, one by one. As I do, I realize now like I did 5 years ago what's really important, and as we all know it isn't what's in the bank account, the house, the job or the car---they're just "things".
And as we all know, "things" can be replaced.
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