A Communion of Memories

When PinF was a kid every once in a while he'd get into the Chevy Impala with his dad and we'd cruise on over to Lansdowne Ave. to the record store. And as fun as it was, I knew very little of music per se, other than what my parents would either be listening to at the time or what I would hear on WFIL AM 56. Still these were wondrous trips as I would follow my dad around as he thumbed through albums looking for the latest Neil Diamond or Johnny Cash release. Record stores when I was a child were full of "LP's", a concept completely strange and unknown to anyone under 18 nowadays. Yet it was the album covers themselves, and the art the was as facinating as the music. Albums were "big" with their artistic covers and such, unlike today's counterparts the CD. Of course it was much different than today in that there was no sampling of the music, even I can remember buying albums in high school and shortly there after prior to the CD age. You either knew what you were after, or you took a chance. There was no MTV, VH1 or the various of mediums that we now know to sample or "try" the music.

Sophia my daughter shows the same inherent love of music; she can name a Van Morrison or Bob Marley song, knows the words to Suzanne Vega's songs, adores Enya's music and will tell anyone that'll listen that her uncle Scott is a singer with his own reggae band. This to me is endearing and fascinating as she's so ahead of where I was when I was seven going on eight. And just like I would go to the record store with my dad, she loves doing the same with me. Truth be told PinF buys very little music in stores these days, preferring to utilize Limewire or I tunes, still the music store is a fond memory for PinF and the poignancy of such visits are never lost. Sophia being an only daughter receives far more perks in her little life than I ever dreamed as one of five boys. It's all relevant to what you can give and to what a child deserves, and today she deserved her CD.

Sophia completed two years of religious education this morning in anticipation of her 1st Holy Communion next Sunday and PinF couldn't be prouder. As I picked her up from her final class, one that saw her go on a three hour retreat with the 39 other communicants, I was filled with such a sense of pride for how she steadfastly attended mass and her classes. Her teacher commented to me on what a well behaved child she is, further adding to my already puffed chest, and I in turn thanked her for her role in Sophia's spiritual development. We left and she said to me "papi, do you think I could buy Disney Mania 4 today?"....... First question was what was DM4? Once told, I told her it would be my treat for her completing her classes today; so off we went to the record store.

Life always sneaks up on you when you least expect it, and as I watched my little girl go up to the in-store computer to locate her CD I was amazed at how my baby is slowly transforming into a young lady. Confidence and ability beyond her age were evident as she easily found the CD and then located its location in the rack. PinF has had many distractions and equal amounts of heartache the past two years, both of which have often blurred the everyday realities and changes before my eyes. She didn't say it, but I knew she was on top of the search so I kind of did what dads have to learn how to do with little girls, I let go of her little hand and kind of went about looking at albums for myself while keeping an eye on her. In that instant it all flashed back to Lansdowne Ave. record store. Here was my little person, her head barely visible over the stacks of CD's listening to her album on the courtesy player with big headphones as I did the same without her seeing me. I thought to myself how I was once that little person and my dad was me. And all at once I felt an incredible sadness and joy at the same time. Missing my dad, and rejoicing in my daughter.

We bought the CD went home, I of course had to sit through the songs of the many Disney network shows as she danced, sang, and reveled in the bliss that is being a seven year-old. Soon after this the day broke open with blue skies and sunshine, and we were back to doing what we do best, enjoying the beach. Last week she and I attended a sneak preview of the new movie Akeelah and the Bee about a little inner city girl whose love of words and scrabble provides her a vehicle out her urban blight and sorrow over losing the father who inspired her love of words. This movie struck a familiar chord with Sophie as she loves spelling and has maintained a perfect spelling test record this year too, so this movie really hit home. This also prompted Sophia to dust off her Scrabble and throw down the challenge. PinF loves Scrabble and can himself remember learning to play at an early age with his mother, something Sophia knew as she told me about my games with my mom. She acts as if she were there, absorbing every memory, anecdote, and recollection of each of her parent's childhood stories. I imagine this must be a result of being an only child in some way, since she has no siblings to go "down memory lane" with, instead she does it with me. Funny kid.

So off we went to the beach with our travel Scrabble, again with memories of my mom and me doing the same. She's good too. Anyone who knows Scrabble knows also the importance in placing the tiles on the right bonus squares as opposed to impressing anyone with words. The bigger and more obscure words will come, what you must learn first is the strategy-- something her game is beginning to reflect. I imagine what a postcard image we made--just the two of us sitting in the sand, enjoying eachother and playing a game of words, oblivious to everything and everyone. Again the poignancy of doing something with my daughter that I once did with my parent was an interesting feeling, as if I had a mirror raised to my past today. I know also that as I prepare her for her big day next Sunday she's one step further along. These are the "moments" in a child's memory-- 1st day of school, Holy Communion, 1st school field trip, these all constitute the mile posts of a child's life. As a parent we're better able to see the bigger picture and how each accomplishment no matter how small, provides the confidence and indeed the ladder that enables the next step up.

It's a bitter sweet journey to be sure, for in as much as you want and need for your child to continue taking the steps of life, you know in your "adult" mind that these memories that are being made are exactly the ones you'll want to relive in ten or twenty years. Sophia said something completely uncanny to me to tonight as we ate dinner, she said "papi, we'll never have this moment again". I asked her, "where did you hear that?" She said she just said it, that she hadn't heard it anywhere. Makes me think that she too is maybe savoring the sweet memorable moments, and is not just growing up in my eyes alone.