Doing the math....

Spent today recovering from the ear piercing shrieks of 20,000 tweens last night at Hannah Montana in Miami. Sophia, granted a one day reprieve from school, was my all day companion. First order of business was homework--lots of it too. Ever the lover of books and classes that require a more critical persuasion of intelligence Sophia's Achille's heel is math. Still, her being the overachiever she is, she never quits, and we're at it again after completing what seems almost without challenge--her science, writing, and English work. After about an hour, I could see the strain growing, and I knew she needed a break, so off to the beach we went.

Nothing stimulates the brain like a change of scenery; in this cae it was a sunny, warm, breezy day. We laughed, talked about the show the night before and swapped songs on our IPods. Eventually we finished up the math, and the relief her face displayed made all the work worth it, knowing she was now free to enjoy her weekend. Naturally we gravitated to the local pub for lunch and her favorite chicken fingers. Our talk was filled with Hannah, and how we sat next to Shaquille O'Neal, and the photo he took her with her. I notice more and more how our talks have become much more mature, and less and less me being the only authority in the conversation.

Funny how your children spend the most time with you, yet in many ways, know the least about who you really are other than 'mom" or "dad". I hadn't really ever though of this until today, when Sophia overheard me talking to a friend about a golf tournament. I had told him I might play. This had Sophia questioning me about golf, and whether I really played? I jokingly told her that papi has dones lots of things that she didn't know about. This got her going on a laundry list of activities: scuba diving, skydiving, different cities, different activities......and with each one, she wouldn't believe my answer and would threaten to call her nana--my mom, to confirm. We laughed so much, and I began to realize how odd it must be for her.

I know everything about her, and have since the moment she entered the world. I am in touch with her teacher, her music lessons, and I monitor the many other facets of her life--unbeknownst to her of course; I keep a sentinel's watch-- always in the background. Yet in thinking about this later I realized how many of the things I discovered about my parents and their pasts came either through their opening up due to a conversation or situation that would instigate such information sharing. Or, if my interest was piqued by something else, the occasional point blank inquiry/heart to heart chat. I can honestly recall that almost none of these exculpatory moments ever came before I was thirty or older; despite feeling as though I had very open relationships with each of my parents. Perhaps this is the natural order of life and knowledge, that we attain this information little-by-little, year-by-year, aquiring more only when the congruence of maturity and experience intersect and allow such access.

Either way, this chat made me more aware of sharing as opposed to always "telling" what she should do or what I "want" her to hear etc. Of course I recognize too, that much of the person I was 15 years ago, a nine year-old really has little comprehension nor business knowing. But it did awaken in me a sense of not allowing many of the mysteries of who I am to her to go unaddressed, and I told her that if she has questions and wants to know things about me, she should ask. If it's none of her business I told her, I would let her know. She looked like someone who just got a library card upgrade, and with it she was ready to check out some more info in the "reference" section. Still, we had some laughs, and once again I learned something from her as I noticed her ever maturing nature and modesty. Time is indeed passing us all so quickly, so it's important to me that I share as much of who I am, as what I know. This is precisely so because I know from my own experiences that this seemingly innocuous conversation will hold much more weight in her memory twenty years from now than our VIP seats last night with Hannah.