8,760 Hours

Last year PinF had Violet Incredible running through our house on Christmas morning, the whole get-up including the wig, the mask, the black gloves and boots, and of course all the innocence that comes with such an outfit. We saw the movie on opening day in November, and from then on she was obsessed, and I was her Mr. Incredible, we were always joking with each other acting like the family of Incredibles. I was thinking about this as I stood alone next to the stage in the over crowded lunch room of Sophia's school waiting for her class to sing in this year's Christmas pageant. As I stood there I was doing the math, and I came up with 8,760. It sounded like such a large number, yet in my mind it was painfully small. One year equals 8,760 hours, and in this time so much had changed. Sophia just had to have the outfit last Christmas, and like any parent who has ever had to get that "one" gift their child coveted against what at the time seemed like slim odds, I found it. Funny though because this past weekend Sophia and I were talking about last Christmas and I asked her if she wanted to wear her outfit out that day, already knowing the answer of course but wanting to see her reaction. She looked at me half smiling, half embarassed, and said "papi, I can't wear that costume out in public". It was then that I first realized how much difference a year makes in all of us. She was that much more grown, where the youthful and childlike lack of inhibitions are suddenly one day shed. Just as quickly replaced by the early signs of modesty, and suddenly a young girl appears where once was a little baby-girl of a daughter.

Now here I was changed as well, I was at her school attending her Christmas pageant alone; I was OK with this as usual my concern was more for her comfort. I could see her mother on the other side of the auditorium also alone. 8,760 hours. This time last year I was still married; my father was whole in both mind and spirit, and Sophia was doing her Christmas show in front of both her parents. Now my father lies in a hospital bed in a sort of limbo as I am asked daily to make more and more decisions regarding his care, always hoping the decisions I make are for the greater good of both his future and ours-- his son's. Still my salvation is in knowing despite all that has changed Sophia continues to thrive and succeed at all her endeavors and walk in the light of her parent's love. I'm secure in the knowledge that in these 8,760 hours, these were events that I didn't have control of per se, events were occuring that I could only weather, not change. I can only control the outcome of these events in that I try to assure her that though the physical make-up of her surroundings have changed, as well as her parent's locations, the one thing that 8,760 hours hasn't changed is how much pride and joy she brings to me, not to mention how loved she is.

The 8,760 hours since last Christmas have not been easy ones for sure. Ever the optomist that I am, I'm well aware that just as I have made it through the upset and changes of this past year, I'll be that much stronger and past them this time next year. Many questions still surround much of the changes of the past year for my father, my daughter, and me. One thing I am sure of is that the number 8,760 in of itself sounds huge, when in fact it all went by so fast. And like those hours that have flown by, I know that the number represents many more good times and memories than sad ones. Tonight was just one example of this as I watched her come off that stage all excited and proud, and in that one hour I saw in her all the joy she has despite all that has changed in her in these past 8,760 hours. The other change I noticed as we watched the rest of the show is that I'm getting older and she's getting bigger because my shoulders are killing me from her sitting on them so that she could see the show.